


Pruning Flowers

by Liv4Death



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Confusion, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Unrequited Love, tags may change cuz I don't know what I'm doing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-03-10 18:41:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13507521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liv4Death/pseuds/Liv4Death
Summary: "The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs of flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals."When Vernon starts coughing up orange tulip petals, Joshua does everything in his power to help Vernon along.  The two try to keep it a secret, but with 13 members, someone is bound to notice something. The more people involved, the more confusing the situation gets until the truth comes out and things get even more complicated.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to rare-pair hell, I will be your guide.
> 
> I haven't posted a fanfic since 2014 so please have mercy. I also have no beta so things may sound weird. Also I'm new to posting to AO3 so I'm still not sure how the tagging and other things work so bare with me.

Vernon looked down into his hands. Bright orange soft petals filled his hands and littered the floor. He vaguely wondered if they were tulip petals, feeling the textures between his fingers with a sense of familiarity. Another cough brought up more petals from his lungs, the tender softness causing discomfort but no serious pain. He pulled a few remaining petals from his mouth and added them to his growing pile. They were definitely tulip petals. After a few moments of quiet thought, Vernon decided on his next course of action.

“JOSH”

Vernon’s voice broke with fear as reality started setting in. He heard the door to the vocalist’s room slam open, but the American was still not moving fast enough for Vernon’s liking. Luckily most of the group had left for lunch, the vocal line forgetting Joshua once again, but Vernon knew if he yelled in English, the remaining members in the dorm would ignore it.

“JOSH I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW”

Vernon heard Joshua pick up his pace and start running down the hall. He quickly threw a shirt over the petals on the floor and turned his back to the door to conceal the ones in his hands. The door flew open and Vernon just hoped Joshua hadn’t attracted too much attention.

“Vernon you better be dying if you are yelling like-“

“Close the door.”

“What?”

“Close. The. Door.” 

Joshua must have complied because after a moment of silence, the door softly clicked shut. Vernon curled in on himself, around his wad of petals. Fear starting to make him shake.

“Lock it.”

Vernon’s voice wavered quietly as he sank to the ground on his knees.

“Vernon I don’t-“

“I said lock it!”

Vernon clenched his eyes shut, trying to keep his voice down. Even with a locked door between them and the rest of the group, he still feared that another member would get worried and barge in.

The lock quietly clicked and Vernon heard Joshua’s careful steps as he approached. Vernon’s shaking increased as he held in a scream and every emotion that threatened to burst out. Joshua softly knelt down beside him. Vernon felt a hand gently touch his back, rubbing soothing circles over his shirt.

“Vernon, the door is shut and locked, whatever you need just tell me and I’ll help you.”

Joshua’s words were slow and careful, as if he was trying to talk a scared cat down from a tree. Vernon could tell he was struggling to choose his words, but Vernon couldn’t blame him. He wouldn’t know what to say either if the situation was reversed. Hell, Vernon didn’t even know what to say in his own position. 

Instead of speaking, Vernon opened his eyes, wondering when the tears had started. He sat up straighter, turning to look Joshua in the eyes. When he found a soft look of worry on the vocalist's face, he turned to look at his own clasped hands. Joshua followed his gaze and opened his mouth, but before he could ask the question, Vernon opened his hands to show him the orange petals. Joshua’s mouth stayed hanging open.

“Hyung, I’m going to die.”

The tears came full force at the statement. Vernon buried his face in Joshua’s chest to muffle his soft crying. Joshua sat for a moment in shock. 

“Are you sure?” Joshua asked dumbly. Vernon nodded into his chest, “Vernon, Hanahaki Disease is very rare, I don’t know anyone within our company who has gotten it before, staff included. Did you cough these up?” Another nod. “So, just to be clear, you do love someone and it is in fact one-sided?” The statement brought about another coughing fit, this time allowing Joshua to pull the petals from Vernon’s mouth himself. Studying the orange tulip petals, Joshua absentmindedly allowed himself to use his free hand to play with Vernon’s hair in an attempt to calm the younger boy down. He needed Vernon calm, cool, and collected if the two were to start problem solving.

It took a few minutes for Vernon to get the tears out of his system. Vernon broke away from Joshua and sniffed. Although Joshua’s shirt had muffled his crying, it was now tear stained. Vernon rubbed at the wet spots as a silent apology. Joshua took this as a chance to pry a bit.

“Listen, this is treatable, we can fix this together, you are not going to die, ok? I won’t let that happen.” Joshua paused, knowing he had to handle this slow and delicately. “Now Vernon, I have to ask, do you know who it is? Who this is for?”

Vernon nodded, but Joshua needed verbal communication.

“I’m going to need you to use your words.”

“Yes,” Vernon croaked out. It was a single word but it was a start.

“Can you tell me who it is?” Vernon shook his head. “Words please,”

“No.”

Joshua was taken aback by the firmness of the refusal and tried not to get angry. “No, what?”

“No, I can’t tell you”

“Why not?” Joshua held back his frustration, “I don’t care who she is, you can tell me. Whoever she is I know for a fact she isn’t worth suffering for.” For a second, Joshua thought he had finally gotten through to Vernon as the younger boy stopped to look Joshua directly in the eyes.

“He, not she,” The young rapper admitted quietly. Vernon dug his head in Joshua's chest as if to hide. Joshua sighed and wrapped his arms loosely around Vernon, trying to give the boy physical support.

“Vernon please, you know I don’t care about small details like that. Is this why you won’t tell me?” Joshua could feel Vernon hesitate.

“No.” The response was muffled but at least it was verbal.

“Ok, ok, we can work through this,” Joshua tried to think of other questions to ask. Not knowing who had given Vernon the disease meant he didn’t know what Vernon had to give up. He decided to start there and racked his brain for leading questions.

“Is it really bad? Like, how much love do you have for this person, exactly?”

“Well,” Vernon broke apart from Joshua and picked the discarded shirt off of his hidden orange tulip pile. The expression on Joshua’s face did nothing to calm him down. “See? I’m going to die.” Vernon slumped down against Joshua’s side with a sense of defeat.

“I,” Joshua started then paused. Vernon could almost see the wheels turning in his head. “This is treatable, we can fix this, I can fix this…” Joshua trailed off lost in thought again. He looked like he needed a hug. Vernon found himself debating between comforting Joshua or having another mental breakdown. In the end the hug won, and Vernon stood up and reached out a hand to pull Joshua up on his feet to give him his much needed hug.

After a moment Joshua pulled away. “Wait, isn’t surgery an option?” Vernon took a step back and tried to look anywhere but Joshua’s eyes.

“Well, yea.” Joshua didn’t like the tone of that response.

“Are you not going to get the surgery?” Joshua asked incredulously. Vernon didn’t like where the conversation was going.

“I can’t.”

“And why not?” Joshua once again had to try and fight his frustration.

“It… would mess some things up.” Vernon turned away from Joshua and picked up an old shopping bag. Joshua watched as Vernon began picking up the petals from the floor, putting them in the bag.

“Mess things up? What do you mean?” Joshua tried to wait patiently as Vernon continued his cleaning until there were no stray petals left. Vernon tied the bag shut and threw it in trash. He paused, trying to string together an explanation.

“The group…” Vernon trailed off trying to think, “Our dynamic, I’m worried that if…” Vernon’s hesitation allowed Joshua to put the pieces together.

“Oh Vernon,” Vernon saw Joshua’s face fall and feared for the worst. “I’m not just going to let you die. You think falling out of love would change our dynamics, imagine what would happen if we lost you.” Vernon dropped onto his bed, feeling like he had zero options ahead of him. “There’s one other solution, though, and I can help you.” 

Vernon lifted up his head, “Oh, and what is that exactly?” 

Joshua sat next to Vernon on the bed. “Hanahaki is a disease from unrequited love,” Joshua explained. “But if the love is returned, then the disease goes away.”

“No offense Josh but there is a higher chance that I’ll be killed by lightning before the end of the week than there is a chance he’ll like me back.”

“That’s where I come in, if I can work behind the scenes and help push him in your direction, then he may start to like you back. The only problem is, you are going to have to tell me who he is.” Vernon sighed, the idea sounded more reasonable than accepting death.

“Alright, alright.” Vernon swallowed thickly, realizing how the reveal might throw Joshua for a loop. “It’s Coups-hyung.” Vernon said lowly, even though their entire conversation had been in english, he seemed to have just realized that even in a half full dorm, anyone could overhear them. Vernon watch Joshua’s eyes widen.

“Well, I guess we have our work cut out for us.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to write longer but got stuck in the process. Also I suck at editing so grammar advise is appreciated. I promise verkwan will become more prominent soon.

“The real problem is that Cheolie’s head is as thick as his thighs.” 

Vernon sighed at Joshua’s words and let his head fall, hitting the table with a thud that caught the attention of several other member trying to play Mario Kart. Joshua waved away their attention with a meek smile and turned back to Vernon.

Between the two of them, they had disposed of the petals, made a cover story for Vernon’s previous outburst, agreed on an approach to the problem, and now they were sat at a table, pen and paper in front of them, trying to come up with a strategy to get Seungcheol to fall for Vernon. Joshua tried to speak low in English to avoid any further attention from the other members in the room.

“I’m not going to lie, this would be a lot easier if it was Seungkwan.”

“If Seungkwan didn’t love me, I think I would actually die, dumb flower disease or not.”

Vernon picked up his head, rubbing and the red mark now in the middle of his forehead. They were getting nowhere.

“So, if I can get undying affection from Seungkwan by just existing, how am I supposed to get Seungcheol-hyung to like me?”

“He does like you, he just doesn’t love you. I mean he does love you in a sense, but like, well at least not that way, you know…”

“I’m starting to feel like a rejected child,” Vernon groaned. “At this rate I’m going to develop daddy issues. How doesn’t he love me? I thought he loved all of us? What am I supposed to do?” Although Vernon thought his dramatics were justified, Joshua looked rather unamused with him.

“Have you tried not being cold to him?” Joshua tried. Vernon almost looked offended.

“What do you mean? I’m not cold.”

“When was the last time you had one on one time with him?”

“I can’t remember, but it’s hard with 13 members!”

“When was the last time you had physical contact with him?”

“He’s my hyung, that would be weird…”

“When was the last time you spoke to him directly?”

“Last week when writing that new rap-“

“That didn’t involve working,”

“Well, uh…”

“I rest my case.” Vernon slumped in his chair, defeated. Joshua shook his head and grabbed the pen and paper on the table in front of him and began scribbling down bullet points. Vernon leaned closer trying to read the English writing upside down. 

Joshua finished his list, turned the paper around for Vernon to read, and leaned back in his chair, looking obviously pleased with himself. Vernon eyed the vocalist before picking up the paper and scanning over the various points. 

“What… what is this exactly?”

“It’s your to-do list for the week.” Vernon wanted nothing more than to wipe the smug look off of Joshua's face.

The list contained various actions and topics that Vernon could do or talk to S.coups about. Reading the list Vernon saw things like: talk about rappers, talk about dogs, sit together during a meal, order and pick up food together, ask for help working out, hold his shoulder for balance when putting on shoes, cuddle during movie night, and-

“Wait, you expect us to be on cuddling terms by the end of the week?” Vernon couldn’t imagine any scenario not involving witchcraft that would allow him to get that close to the leader within the given time frame. Joshua waved off the comment.

“It’ll be easier than you think, trust me he’s a big softie. Plus, I’ll be doing my part in the meantime.” Vernon didn’t like the look on Joshua’s face, or maybe he was just starting to not like Joshua's face in general.

“And what will that be exactly?” Vernon didn’t trust whatever plan Joshua had.

“That, my son, is for me to know, and for you to never figure out.” Vernon grimaced. 

“I’m not your son.”

“I know,” Joshua leaned further back putting his hands behind his back. “I’m just trying to get a head start on your soon to be daddy issues.”

Before Vernon could say something that would insult both Joshua and Jesus himself, the door to the dorm slammed open, signaling the return of the missing members.

“Guess who has leftover dessert!” Jeonghan strolled into the room followed by the rest of the vocal unit, Hoshi, Dino, and S.Coups.

Vernon felt his chest tighten and his stomach twist at the sight of the leader. He stood up to leave the room, hoping to avoid the eldest rapper. 

Before Vernon could scramble away, Joshua grabbed him by the arm and gave a pointed look. Suddenly feeling exhausted Vernon shrugged him off making a face to show his displeasure. Joshua just sighed and wordlessly handed Vernon the folded up list which Vernon quickly pocketed. 

Vernon silently tried to sneak away to his room, and got as far as his hand on the handle before a voice stopped him.

“Where are you going?”

Vernon turned to see Seungkwan standing behind him. Vernon let out a breath and turned to face Seungkwan fully.

“I’m just really tired, I was going to lay down for a while if you don’t mind.”

Seungkwan clasped his hands together and walked forward and Vernon just knew he was about to beg.

“Aw come on, we brought back dessert! Are you telling me you’d rather nap than have cake?” Vernon decided he was too tired for this.

“Yea, actually. I’m not feeling well, I’ve had a rough day and I just need some peace and quiet, is that ok with you? Or is the cake more important?” There was no real bite in his words but Vernon felt his shoulders fall at the look Seungkwan was giving him. “Listen I’m sorry, I’m upset, it’s not you, please don’t be upset, I just need to lay down, ok?” Vernon truly feared that Seungkwan might start crying on him, the last thing he needed was someone trying to step in and him having to suffer through more human interaction.

“Alright,” Seungkwan’s dejected tone made Vernon feel even worse. “I’ll wake you up for dinner, ok?”

“Thanks.” Vernon almost felt bad at being relieved when Seungkwan left. Opening the door and walking over to his bed, Vernon flopped down face first. Although not physically tired, his emotional exhaustion took over and before Vernon could think much he welcomed sleep.

 

Vernon woke up from his nap to Seungkwan singing him awake. Peeking at the clock he saw that Seungkwan had let him nap for a few hours. Noticing Vernon was awake, Seungkwan jumped up and began overly performing a song Vernon faintly recognized. Vernon smiled and sat up.

“Do I need to hit you on the head like an actual alarm clock? Where is the snooze button?”

Seungkwan laughed and hit Vernon in the shoulder. Reaching over near Vernon’s actual alarm clock, Seungkwan picked up a plate hidden behind it. Vernon felt the guilt immediately when he noticed it was a piece of cake.

“I saved you a piece. Jisoo-hyung told me you were having a rough day so I felt bad. ”

Vernon took the plate from Seungkwan. “It’s alright, its not your fault.” Vernon sat up, picking a fork up off the plate and taking a bite. He gave Seungkwan and appreciative smile which Seungkwan returned. 

“Just don’t tell Mingyu because we are having dinner soon.” Vernon hummed and continued eating his slice as Seungkwan moved to sit down next to him. Since Vernon had missed lunch, he quickly devoured the cake and set the plate and fork down next to his bed. Turning on the bed to face Seungkwan, Vernon almost choked on his own spit.

“Um, have those always been there?” Vernon asked looking over Seungkwan’s shoulder.

Seungkwan looked behind himself to see what Vernon was talking about. Vernon got nervous at the smile he had when he looked back at him.

“Oh those! Jisoo-hyung mentioned you wanted a plant so we went out and got you a few. Hyung got you the two pots of orange tulips but I thought you would kill those quickly so I got you the pot of yellow daisies. The lady who owns the flower shop down the street was really nice, you should come next time when you eventually kill these.” The last part was obviously a joke but Vernon didn’t feel like laughing.

Luckily Jeonghan called for dinner before Vernon could give himself away.

The two got up and walked together into the main living area where the rest of the members were already passing around food. Vernon was thankful that it was just noodles, he didn’t think his stomach could handle anything else.

“Kwan-ie, come sit next you your favorite hyung!” Joshua called out to the two. There were two spots next to him and Seungkwan sat right next to Joshua with Vernon following. Vernon hesitated when he realized the members were sitting all in a circle. Much to his dismay the only remaining spot was between Seungkwan and S.Coups. Vernon mentally cursed Joshua out.

When Vernon sat down, he immediately felt the pressure in his chest. Trying not to cough, he concentrated on breathing through his nose. Most of the members were busy chatting amongst themselves and Vernon was set on eating in silence. After a look from Joshua however, he tried to be casual, and put their plan into action.

“So, Seungcheol-hyung, I heard that you started working out again, would you mind if I joined you sometime?” Vernon mentally smacked himself for sounding so awkward. Acting was not his strong suit and acting like everything was fine was even worse.

S.Coups perked up at the suggestion. Vernon tried to ignore the endearment in his heart as he watched his hyung quickly slurp up his noodles. He however couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering to the leader’s lips when he wiped his mouth.

“Have someone you’re trying to impress?”

Vernon’s heated face was faster than his excuses. S.Coups’ smirk did not help at all.

“Don’t lie to me, I’ll get it out of you tomorrow anyways. It’s gonna be good bonding time if anything. Plus your noodle arms need a little work.” S.Coups poked Vernon’s bicep with the end of his chopsticks grinning. His affection was so brotherly Vernon started feeling like there was something wrong with him. 

Wanting to ignore the way his lungs tickled, Vernon turned his attention back to Seungkwan, amused with the look Joshua gave him as Seungkwan rambled on about volleyball. Vernon finished his noodles before coming to Joshua’s rescue.

“Hey,” Vernon grabbed Seungkwan's shoulder to get his attention. “I’m gonna sleep in my room tonight and skip movie night, just so you know.” Vernon waited for the expected answer.

“Want me to join you?” Exactly what Vernon wanted. If he had another cough attack he wanted someone close, but having Joshua sleep with him would be out of the ordinary. Seungkwan however practically lived in Vernon’s bed. Although he couldn’t be trusted with secrets, if worse came to worse at least Vernon could suffer in company.

“Sure,” Vernon smiled and the two stood up announcing their departure.

As Vernon laid in bed next to Seungkwan, he thought of how unfair it was to be loved so much but still get Hanahaki from one unrequited crush. How would Seungkwan react if he knew what was happening? He would probably knock Vernon out himself and drag him to the hospital, not wanting to risk it.

Vernon curled up next to Seungkwan as much as he could on the small bed. It had been a rough day and he decided that these were problems for tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ran into a wall near the end so sorry if it sounds weird. I'm a STEM major and writing is not my strong point so I do really appreciate feedback for my writing or the story. Also if you see any mistakes let me know. Also is using S.Coups instead of Seungcheol weird looking? Let me know. I enjoy comments!


	3. Chapter 3

Vernon woke up to a cold and empty bed.

Sleepily sitting up, Vernon almost jumped out of his skin when he saw Joshua and the end of the bed.

“Good morning, sunshine.”

“Can’t you let me suffer in peace?” Vernon flopped back down, wishing nothing more than to be asleep again.

“Never, now we have a major problem.”

“You think I don’t realize that?” Vernon sat back up to glare at Joshua. Joshua just crossed his arms and glared back. “What time is it anyways? Don’t we have practice with Hoshi-hyung today?”

“It's almost noon, and you don’t but the rest of us do,” Joshua sat down on the bed, “Seungkwan woke up this morning to the sound of you wheezing. Scared him half to death, he came running to wake me up making me promise to watch you so you wouldn’t stop breathing in your sleep. The other members got word of this and I got assigned to creepy sleep watching duty. Did you not feel yourself gasping?”

Vernon had to admit he felt exhausted, but he had no memory of struggling to breathe. “Honestly I feel like I haven’t slept at all, but I don’t remember waking up so it can’t be that bad.”

“Vernon its bad, Jeonghan wanted me to tell management to take you to the doctors to see if you have asthma.”

“We can’t get management involved-”

“Yes we can,” Joshua snapped. “Vernon we need to get a handle on this before it’s out of control. We need to take this seriously. You need to take this seriously.”

“I am taking this seriously,” Vernon shot back. “And what are you doing to help anyways? Other than buying those dumb cursed disease flowers to mock me.” Vernon felt entitled to his anger even though he knew Joshua was trying his best.

“Those flowers are so we have a cover story if anyone finds stray orange tulip petals. I’m trying to buy you time, ok?” Joshua gritted out. “I understand this is hard for you but at least one of us needs to think ahead.” Now Vernon just felt guilty.

“Fine, I’m sorry. This is just going too fast for me.” Vernon grabbed a pillow to hold tight to his chest. “I just… don’t know what to do.”

Joshua smiled. “That’s what I’m here for. You have a workout date with Cheolie tonight and we need to work out a game plan.” Vernon groaned.

“A game plan? Didn’t we already go over this? You even gave me an entire list!”

“We went over a plan to get you to stop being cold and distant — I’m going to ignore that glare you’re giving me — but we need a plan for the wooing and seduction.”

“The wooing and seduction?” Vernon hated his entire life for a moment.

“The wooing, the seduction, and the whatever else, we need to figure out how you are going to win the leader’s big, soft, clueless heart.” Vernon rolled his eyes.

“And how do I do that, exactly?”

Joshua scratched the back of his neck. “Well I don’t really know yet, what did you do to get your old girlfriends? You managed to woo them so this can’t be that different, right?”

Vernon pressed his face into the pillow he was holding and did his best to repress his urge to scream. This was not a conversation he wanted to have.

“First of all, I’ll buy you noodles if you stop saying ‘woo’ for the remainder of this conversation, and nothing really. It just happened with them. For the first girl I drew her a lot of pictures and she loved it, but you know how bad I am at drawing. The other one I rapped for, but I don’t think that’ll impress the leader of the hip hop unit.”

“You’d be surprised by how highly Seungcheol thinks of you.”

Vernon hummed out an acknowledgment to the comment, neither agreeing or disagreeing.

“Well, have you dated a guy before?”

Vernon shook his head. “No, and I’ve only dated those two girls. And of those two, I only kissed one of them.”

Joshua sighed, “This is going to be harder than I thought…”

The two sat in silence mulling over their thoughts. While Joshua was thinking over different solutions to the problem that was Seungcheol’s heart, Vernon was busy trying not to have a heart attack himself. Not only had he agreed yesterday to work out with the leader, which was now only in a few hours, but the entire group now knew something was wrong with him, even if they all thought it was asthma. It’d been a while since he had even attempted to lift a weight let alone actively tried getting in shape. He was going to embarrass himself in front of his hyung. Would Seungcheol even still want to be gym partners now the Seungkwan had told everyone of his wheezing. Or would that just make the leader work even closer to Vernon, just to keep an eye on his health.

Vernon’s memory flashed back to Seungcheol spotting him when he lifted weights predebut. The image of the leader straddled above him doing effortless pull-ups flooded his brain. He choked.

The choking continued and Vernon kept coughing until he felt the tickle of tulip petals coming up from his lungs. Joshua sighed and grabbed a plastic bag from the stash of grocery bags the two had hidden in the room. After handing Vernon the bag, Joshua reached over, rubbing circles into Vernon’s back in an attempt to help the younger breathe.

“It’s ok, I got you,” Joshua, “you’re ok, just try to breathe for me.”

Tears gathered in Vernon’s eyes as he coughed up a lungfull into the bag. As he pulled a stray petal from his mouth, Vernon noticed there was still an odd feeling in his throat. Vernon turned to Joshua in panic.

“I-” Vernon stopped as pain seared through his throat. He instinctively clutched his owned neck and began gasping for breath.

“Vernon!?”

Vernon’s gasp made an unnatural high pitched sound and the tears spilled as the burning pain dragged upward. Vernon abruptly stood up, whether it was to desperately search for water or just panicked instinct, he really couldn’t tell, all Vernon knew was he was not getting enough air, and his brain did not appreciate that. Joshua rushed to follow him, but in his panicked state, Vernon just pushed him away, and stumbled backwards until his back hit the wall.

The lack of air caused black spots to start forming in his vision, his desperate gasping making even louder strangled noises. Vernon slid down the wall, not wanting to faint while standing. Feeling something solid making its way up his airway, Vernon frantically reached into his own mouth, trying to pull the obstruction out.

Vernon flinched when he felt a hand firmly grab his wrist to yank it away from his mouth. He could tell Joshua was trying to say something but the panic made it impossible to tell what he was saying. Vernon’s vision slowly narrowed from lack of air as his throat continually tried to force the object out. Vernon’s arms fell as he just about gave up, using all his energy just to try and stay conscious.

Just as Vernon closed his eyes, he numbly felt Joshua pry his mouth open and pull at whatever was continuously blocking his breathing. Vernon limply waited, only half there consciously, as Joshua attempted to use his fingers to try and grip at the blockage, triggering Vernon’s gag reflex in the process.

Vernon wretched and pulled away from Joshua. Turning to the side to face away from the singer, Vernon gagged again, this time the object in his throat lurched forward enough for his airway to open slightly. With his lungs hyperventilating, Vernon once again reached into his mouth, able to grab the obstruction now that is was within reach. Rolling onto his hands and knees, Vernon finally managed to pull out the previously lodged object. Holding the orange tulip flower, stem and all, Vernon took a few deep breaths before collapsing face down on the ground, flower still in hand. Warmth spread over Vernon as his brain was resupplied oxygen. Feeling exhausted, Vernon almost fell asleep like that.

Almost.

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?”

Joshua’s screaming made Vernon’s head throb.

Not trusting his voice, Vernon simply rolled over, offering Joshua the complete, and a bit bloody, orange tulip, while holding its stem. Joshua plucked the flower out of Vernon’s hand to examine the complete flower.

“So now you’re coughing up complete flowers!? Why the hell are you coughing up complete flowers!?” Joshua stood up and threw the flower on the floor, letting out curses in several languages. Vernon watched him pace back and forth, not finding the energy to get up yet. As Joshua took out his frustration throwing an innocent pillow around, Vernon spread out like a starfish on his back, putting his arms above his head to open his airways. The cool air felt nice on his no doubtly bleeding throat. Closing his eyes Vernon tried to will himself to sleep through the pain.

“Oh no you don’t.” Joshua grabbed Vernon by the front of the shirt to yank him up. “Why didn’t you tell me you’re throwing up whole flowers?” He eyed Vernon warily.

“B-” Vernon coughed slightly, getting blood on his lip. Joshua frowned for a moment before wiping it off for the younger with sympathy. “Because, this is the first time, I swear.”

“Why?”

“Why what-”

“Why did you just cough an entire tulip out of your lung?”

Vernon blushed deeply.

“Eh, probably from a, uh, an impure thought kind of-”

“Oh my god,” Joshua threw his hands up in a sign of defeat. “Vernon control your testosterone, you almost gave me a heart attack!” Vernon laughed weakly.

“Hey, you know I can’t control that, now help me to the bed, I think I deserve a nap.”

“No, you’ve slept enough, we need to talk about this, I’m taking you to the hospital right now.” Joshua tried to grab Vernon’s arm but Vernon pulled himself away.

“Ok, but first, sleep.” Vernon took a step towards the bed.

“No, Vernon we-”

“Listen, I understand, but imagine if hyung found out I nearly choked to death because of him. Let me see Seungcheol-hyung when he gets back, and I’ll put in an honest effort. And if that doesn’t work, then we can get my chest cut open.” Vernon let out a tired breath and sat down on the bed.

“Vernon, why won’t you just-”

“I’m scared, ok!” Vernon’s outburst startled Joshua. “I’m scared of being cut open and having my lungs dissected just for them to see that there’s no way I’ll get better. Hyung I know it’s stupid, but I don’t want to know I’m going to die. Just let me dream, ok? Let it surprise me. Just let me pretend like everything will be fine for a second, it’s been a day and honestly, I haven’t even had a chance to try with hyung. Just promise me, one more day, and I’ll do everything I can when the rest get back. I promise, ok?” Vernon felt his tears silently start falling, and the look on Joshua’s face told him he was about to get his way.

“Fine, but I’m going to be here the entire time you are sleeping.”

“That’s fine.” Vernon laid back in bed, not bothering to protest when Joshua laid a blanket over him, trying to tuck him in. As exhausted as he was, he knew Joshua was emotionally strung out from the ordeal.

“I’m setting an alarm for two hours, you have two hours of sleep, an hour of talking _which you will not get out of_ and then the other members should come back to the dorm.” Vernon hummed in acknowledgement, letting his heavy eyelids fall. Vernon felt Joshua get on the bed to lay next to him without getting under the covers.

Vernon just let him, knowing they both needed some rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this seems rushed/doesn't make sense. I got hit with a Korean exam and now I have a Calc 3 midterm that's taking up all my time.  
> I'm aiming for 10 chapters for this fic but it may change depending on if I adjust the story or not. Let me know what you think! Comments get me really excited whether it's constructive, fangirling, or just "lmao" I always reply XD And again, writing isn't my strong point so any corrections or improvements I can make, let me know! Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I can't write good romance so I beat myself up over editing this. Let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy!

Vernon woke up to a large warm body beside his.

Looking over at the clock, he realized that nearly four hours had passed.

_Well, so much for that talk._

Rolling over to ask Joshua when he decided to finally have a soul, Vernon’s entire body stiffened when he saw who was actually beside him.

“Hey”

Vernon yelped and, without much dignity, fell backwards off the bed. Seungcheol grabbed his arm before he could hit his head on the floor.

“Hey calm down, I’m not that scary am I?”

Vernon bit back the words laced with hysteria he so desperately wanted to let out and opted for humor instead.

“Wow Josh, looks like some beauty rest did wonders for you.” Although it was supposed to be sarcastic, Vernon couldn’t stop the sincerity in his voice when looking at the leader. The soft mussed up hair and tired cow eyes certainly had their charm.

“If you’re trying to say that I’m prettier than Jisoo, we need to get your lungs and eyes checked.” Seungcheol’s smile caused a tickle in Vernon’s throat. “Speaking of which, are you still up for that workout? I don’t think you’re in any condition to actually do anything, but I could use a spotter.”

“Yea,” Vernon croaked out, “Just give me a minute to get ready, I’ve been sleeping all day… I just need to… wake up.”

Seungcheol let go of Vernon’s arm to stretch. “Alright, I’ll get a shower then, let me know when you are ready to go, and wear something more appropriate than skinny jeans and an oversized hoodie, I’m not saving you if your hood gets caught in the weight machine, ok?” Seungcheol smiled once Vernon nodded in confirmation. He stood up to pop his joints before exiting the room.

Vernon watched him leave and continued to stare at the door for a few seconds even after it closed.

Joshua was a dead man.

Rising to his feet he changed into a pair of sweatpants and a shirt that actually fit before setting out to find his hyung. Vernon opened the door to see Joshua standing right in the doorway already.

“YAH-”

Vernon jumped back, hand on his heart as Joshua laughed at the younger’s mini heart attack. Pushing through the door, Joshua walked over to the young rapper with a look that told Vernon he was about to learn a life lesson.

“Listen, I don’t think I have to tell you how big of an opportunity this is.”

Vernon huffed, standing straighter and ready to fight.

“Once again, you think I don’t know that? Where were you? I woke up every to single problem I have right now laying next to me in bed!”

Joshua lifted his hands in defence.

“Ok, calm down.”

Vernon did not want to calm down.

“Calm down? What happened to the talk we were supposed to have?”

“We are having it now aren’t we? Now listen, I talked to management - don’t give me that look - I talked to management, I had them schedule you for an appointment with a specialist for this weekend. I told them you got Hanahaki Disease from one of the stylist noonas and they promised me to keep it a secret from the rest of the company, including the group, and now you just need to survive the next four days, I’m giving you that long to figure it out yourself, can you do that?”

Vernon didn’t know where to begin, not only did he have to physically go to a doctor but now management knew. Although he was thankful for the good cover story, Vernon found himself still bitter about Joshua going behind his back to get a doctor involved.

“I thought I told you I didn’t want to see a doctor-”

“And I thought I told you I wasn’t going to let you just die.”

Vernon couldn’t argue with that and let the older win this time. Just this time.

“Alright, whatever. I’m going with Seungcheol-hyung to the gym. I’ll text you if a miracle happens.” Vernon tried to brush pash Joshua to make his way to the door, but was stopped by Joshua’s arm before he could get far.

“Vernon, just promise me you’ll take it easy? Cheol has a soft heart and I think he’ll be easy to win over. You can do a lot in four days, I believe in you.” Joshua’s words were little comfort for Vernon.

“Yea, _fighting_ , whatever. Now excuse me I need to suffer for a few hours.” Joshua seemed unphased by the attitude.

“Be nice, and just, I don’t know, be yourself.”

“Thanks dad,”

“I’ll schedule a therapist next if this dad thing continues.”

“Bye.”

 

The duo’s conversation on the way to the gym was mercifully one sided. Seungcheol recapped their practice with Hoshi, not forgetting any details of Minghao trying to fight Mingyu, and thankfully avoided bringing up the younger’s recent health issues. Vernon tried his best to pay attention to the leader and what he was saying, wanting to prove himself a good listener, but instead found himself comparing his own build to the other’s.

Where Vernon had caught up in height, Seungcheol was still obviously wider in the shoulders. Vernon’s growth spurt had left him thin and lanky, whereas even after losing some weight, Seungcheol still had a healthy amount of mass to him.

“Enjoying the view?”

Vernon snapped out of his thoughts realizing he had been caught staring.

_Think quick._

“Hyung, if you keep this up you’ll be all thighs and no arms.” _Idiot. Don’t mention the thighs._

The leader laughed at the pained look, mistaking it as jealousy instead of the intense berating Vernon was mentally giving himself.

“Lucky for you today is arm day, any luck and you’ll pick up something.”

_Most likely picking my jaw up off the floor- focus Vernon, focus._

“Anything to fix my ‘noodle arms’ I recall you mentioning,” The two walked the rest of the way to the dorm’s gym in comfortable silence. Vernon tried to hide his smile as Seungcheol chivalrously held the door open for the younger.

The room was small, but efficiently arranged with various machines and weights that would be hazardous in the dance studio. The far side of the room had a wall of mirrors with racks of weights stacked in front, the adjacent longer wall had rows of different weight machines for benching, squatting, and other things Vernon never bothered to know. Seungcheol ignored the the weights and walked straight over to a weight lifting bench, picking up various weights to add at the end of the bar.

“Alright,” Seungcheol’s voice nearly startled Vernon, “I’m technically still stretched from dance practice, so we’re going to jump right into this. I’m just going to use smaller weights and go for more reps, that way when you spot me you’ll actually be able to help if I drop it on my neck, you got that?”

Seungcheol’s humor was lost on Vernon as the younger stared at the bench, noticing the back end was pushed to the wall.

“Yea, uh, Hyung? How am I supposed to spot you if I can’t stand behind you?”

“Oh, you’ll stand over me.” Seungcheol replied easily, but Vernon’s brain refused to process it easily.

“Won’t I be off balance because I can only hold one side?” If he stood to the side, he couldn’t trust himself not to drop the bar on top of the leader.

“No, I meant stand over me as in literally over me, here I’ll show you.”

Vernon’s worst fears were confirmed when the older laid on his back on the bench and motioned for Vernon to come over.

“So I’m going to lay like this, ok? Now see how each one of my legs is on either side of the bench? You need to do the same thing to stand over me.” Vernon gulped visibly trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

_How the hell do I get out of this._

Vernon did as Seungcheol instructed, putting one leg over each side of the bottom of the bench but stood back so that their knees touched. He looked up for the older’s approval but the look he received told Vernon that the older wasn’t having it.

“Hansol,” Vernon tried to ignore the way his name sounded “if you stand that far back you will kill me with this bar. I know you think my legs are thick but you need to stand over my waist. And don’t try to pull a Jihoon and ‘no homo’ out on me, I promise it’s not that bad. Seungkwan spots me like this all the time.”

The mention of Seungkwan threatened to some jealousy in the young rapper causing his ears to burn.

“Ok, ok, I get it. Just give me a second no need to drag in the ‘useful dongsaeng’ comparisons.” Vernon huffed out his words trying to psych himself up to move forward the short distance. After all, he couldn’t just let his hyung get hurt.

_This is fine. This is fine. Everything is fine._

When Vernon finally stood above his hyung, Seungcheol smirked up at him.

“If you think this is bad, you’re going to love this next part.”

_Nothing is fine. Everything is bad._

“So I’m going to do 15 rep intervals spaced by 5 sit-ups. Now as the spotter it's your job to loosely hold the bar so if something happens it won’t kill me. It’s also your job to count the reps and after we hit 15 you’ll need to sit back on my legs as I do the sit-ups so my legs don’t pull up. We’ll do this for 20 minutes with a 10 minute break at least 3 times, maybe more,” he paused to see if Vernon was grasping the words, “Also you’re in charge of counting the sit-ups,” Seungcheol finished his instructions and immediately grabbed the bar to begin, leaving Vernon to process the information.

_I’m going to die._

“One…” Vernon started, making sure to hold the bar without giving any help to the lifting.

“Two…” Vernon watched as Seungcheol’s arm muscles flexed.

“Three…”

The rest of the reps were easy for the leader, knocking out all 15 quickly.

“Ok Vernon, sit down.”

Vernon sat back on the leader’s thighs, making sure to sit closer to his knees.

Seungcheol crossed his arms in front of his chest and began his round of sit-ups.

“One…” Vernon focused on keeping the leaders legs down. The sit-ups were visibly more taxing on his hyung than the lifting had been.

“Two…”

Vernon dutifully counted the rest before Seungcheol leaned back, ready to take the bar again. Standing up, Vernon grabbed a loose hold, ready to start spotting again.

“One…”

Seungcheol’s breathing became slightly labored from the effort of lifting right after the sit-up.

“Two…”

Vernon watched as his hyung’s face focus while his chest puffed up to breath deeper in an attempt to get more oxygen to his lungs.

_I’m going to die._

“Three…” Vernon’s voice cracked as he continued to spot. His chest tightened in a familiar feeling.

_I’m going to die, drop this bar on Seungcheol-hyung, and then he’s going to die._

Vernon finished counting the reps and sat back to count the sit-ups again. This continued for an hour, each minute feeling like an eternity to Vernon. Their breaks were relatively silent, with both doing stretches as Seungcheol caught his breath. After 10 minutes of stretching and conversing about rap lyrics, Vernon found found himself lost in his head each time be spotted. While the view of his hyung was distracting enough, Vernon found himself admiring the resilience the leader put forth.

Vernon wondered to himself when the adoration he had for the other grew deeper and into a more intimate attraction. From watching his hyung lead the group, winning hearts on stage and off, to wanting nothing more than to be in the other’s arms when the day left them not only tired, but also restless and unable to sleep. They were supposed to be group members, brothers at most, but the sight of the leader made Vernon’s chest tighten as he wished to spend their already sparse freetime alone together, with just each other as company.

But now he had it, and he didn’t know what to do about it. His lungs felt tight.

“Are you in there?” Vernon flinched as Seungcheol knocked on his head.

“Yea, yea, just thinking. Sorry for worrying you, Hyung.” Vernon rubbed at his arms, watching Seungcheol clean up the area before grabbing their things and scrunching his nose when Seungcheol ruffled the younger’s hair.

“Don’t worry about it yourself.”

The two began walking in silence back to the dorm, but Vernon didn’t want to be left alone with his thoughts.

“So, you’re working out now?” Vernon’s voice was strained from the odd feeling in his chest. Keeping track of reps for his hyung had kept his mind off of things for the most part, but now walking next to the older brought back the feelings full force.

“Yea,” Seungcheol mumbled rubbing at his shoulders “Next time I’ll show you the list of workouts our nutritionist gave me. She wanted me to focus on stamina to appease Soonyoung.” They both smiled thinking of the never ending wrath of their dance choreography. “You’ll have to join me next time.”

The two walked in silence for a few moments, nearing the door to their dorm.

“So,” Seungcheol began “How are you feeling? I know you don’t like the attention but I’m your leader. You can tell me if you’re having health issues.”

“Yea I just need more sleep and I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it. Joshua even told me he scheduled a doctors appointment so no need to worry.” Vernon found himself trying to convince himself of that last part more so than he was trying to convince the other.

“Ok, I just don’t like seeing you in pain. Tell me if I can do anything, ok?” Vernon heard the sadness in his leader’s voice and his chest throbbed in pain.

The rest of the walk was silent as the two wordlessly reached door. Vernon walked in first immediately getting tackled by Seungkwan.

“Vernonie, how was your workout? Please tell me you didn’t push yourself.” Seungkwan pouted at the taller.

“No,” Vernon said tiredly “I just spotted for Hyung”

“Good, you need to rest.” Seungkwan squeezed Vernon into another hug.

“Ok,” Seuncheol’s voice caused Vernon’s head to turn “ you two get ready for bed, I’m taking another shower.”

Vernon watched Seungcheol walk away. His already aching chest began to burn and Vernon couldn’t stop the coughing fit that came up.

_No, not now._

“Are you ok?” Seungkwan asked in a panic. Vernon could only wheeze in response. “Wait here, I’ll get some water.” Vernon continued to cough as Seungkwan rushed away, petals slowly coming up from his lungs.

Vernon fell to his knees as he focused on trying to catch the petals before they could come out of his mouth. The wheezing began attracting the attention of others as tears began clouding his vision.

“Hansol, is that you?” Hoshi turned the corner just in time to see a single petal fall between Vernon’s fingers.

“Hansol? Oh my god.” Rushing over to the younger, Hoshi began panicking. Vernon tried to wave off the concern but instead let out the petals he had been trying to conceal.

“Jeonghan-hyung!”

Jeonghan rushed around the corner to find Hoshi trying to comfort Vernon who had collapsed further into the ground in a pile of orange tulip petals. Jeonghan froze for a few seconds before yelling to the rest of the dorm.

“GROUP MEETING. NOW.”

 

Seventeen sat in a large circle in the living room. Seungcheol’s hair was still wet from his shower and Vernon was openly crying in silence while being sandwiched between a fussy Seungkwan and a concerned looking Joshua.

“So,” Jeonghan began, “Hansol here has something to say to the group.”

Vernon didn’t know what to say. If Hoshi hadn’t already spilled the news, the scattered tulip petals would have been a dead giveaway. He knew Jeonghan wasn’t trying to be mean, after all it was harmful for the group to keep secrets from the other members. He just wasn’t ready to talk about. Noticing the others mood, Joshua decided to speak up.

“It’s Hanahaki,” a few members took in a quick breath, “he’s been coughing up flowers for 48 hours so it’s still new. We made an appointment this weekend, Vernon didn’t want to worry the other members.” A few others nodded in understanding.

“Wait, you knew about this?” Jeonghan asked Joshua accusingly.

“Yes.” Joshua snapped back, “And now we are handling it.”

The group sat in silence for a moment before Mingyu spoke up.

“Whose it for?”

Vernon hung his head as Joshua stared blankly at the younger. Seungkwan seemed to get defensive over his friend.

“Mingyu what kind of question is that,” Seungkwan lectured, “he obviously doesn’t want others knowing.”

“I get that, but if we can make the other person fall in love then he won’t need to get surgery-“

“Mingyu!”

“He’s right.” Dino spoke up, “my aunt had to get the surgery three times before it worked, and even afterwards she still had problems with the scar tissue. We all want him to rest but trying the other way may save him from being out of promotions for several months.”

Vernon couldn’t help but agree with that, but still the others couldn’t know.

“I-“ Vernon began, “I- can’t date the person.”

“Why not?”

“Mingyu, could you try to be nicer and less blunt-“

“Kwanie he has flowers in his lungs.”

Vernon grabbed Seungkwan's hand in reassurance to stop him from arguing back.

“It’s someone in the company.” Vernon admitted without lifting his head.

“So?” Woozi chimed in, “I’m sure management could make an acception this time.”

Vernon felt his face heat up. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have but he knew he had to tell them.

“Management might not be happy that it’s a guy.” Vernon’s cough this time was from embarrassment, but Seungkwan still pressed a glass of water to his lips.

Taking a sip, Vernon saw nothing but empathetic faces which calmed his nerves slightly.

“I don’t think that would matter,” Mingyu spoke up again, “management would want to keep it a secret anyways. Even if they don’t like you back, we could convince them to try, and if that doesn’t work out they can be moved to a different group in the company if things get weird”

A sound of agreement came from the others. Vernon took a longer sip to avoid talking. The members slowly began to talk amongst themselves all collectively convincing each other of the plan.

“Yes but there’s a problem,” Joshua interjected, looking to Vernon for permission. Vernon nodded and braced himself for the reactions. “The problem is it’s a group member.”

No one moved.

No one even seemed to breathe.

Vernon watched all of them look between themselves before he looked to the one that mattered.

Seungcheol.

The two made eye contact, Seungcheol’s face lighting up.

_Oh god, he knows._

“I knew it!” Seungcheol’s voice caused a few members to jump. “It’s Seungkwan isn’t it!”

Vernon didn’t know what he was expecting, but that wasn’t it.

_He can’t even imagine it being us together._

Vernon began coughing again, this time so violently a few members made a move to stand up. Joshua motioned them to sit down as he and Seungkwan tried to soothe the younger.

Reaching into his mouth, Vernon pulled out a full orange tulip flower by the stem.

Seungkwan rubbed his back and the rest of the members openly gawked at Vernon.

Seungcheol however, couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

“This is perfect, I knew you two had a special bond. It couldn’t have been anyone else. This will be so easy.” Seungcheol raised to his feet to speak to the other members. “Let’s give them some room, everyone off to bed, it’s been a stressful day. Jeonghan, you clean up and Jisoo, help me put the others to bed?” Joshua opened his mouth to protest but a stern look from the leader stopped him.

_He doesn’t even want me._

Vernon only looked on in despair as Joshua returned a look of pity. The coughing came back.

“Oh Solie, I’m sorry I don’t feel that way.” Seungkwan’s sniffed through his own tears, “We’ll try though, I promise. I will do my best for you.”

Vernon went to bed that night laying next to Seungkwan and hating himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think and if there is anything I can improve! I love comments and I reply to nearly all of them even if its keysmash. Sorry for the unreliable update schedule but life is being mean. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh sorry this took so long. For the past month I've hated every single sentence I've ever written and I just kept being unhappy with the chapter. I can't promise consistent updates with this story but I can promise it will be finished at some point. I hope you enjoy!

The next morning was uncomfortable to say the least.

While the pair had been sleeping, the other members, sans Joshua, had been silently plotting a way to get the two together quickly.

Breakfast started with them sleeping in late, no one had come to wake the two up. The other members had already finished their breakfast, leaving them to eat together alone. Seungkwan had tried to ask questions about the Hanahaki situation but Vernon insisted that he was more comfortable with just trying to keep to normal conversation.

The car ride to the group’s interview was tense as the other members piled in the vehicles, leaving the only two empty seats for the duo. The seats were together in the back, forcing Vernon and Seungkwan to be nearly on top of each other the entire ride. Normally it wouldn’t be too awkward, but Vernon could not get himself to relax, which in turn caused the other to be tense as well. During the interview everyone agreed that it would be best for the two to sit apart.

After the interview the members kindly let the two sit beside each other in the second to back row, although still next to each other, at least they weren’t squished together. Vernon closed his eyes, the strain of trying to appear relaxed during the interview combined with his nearly sleepless night made the rapper tired, despite it still being nearly midday. Vernon’s head lolled to the side as he attempted to drift off. He jumped in his seat when a hand brushed over his.

Vernon blearily opened his eyes to see Seungkwan’s apologetic look.

“Tired?” The other asked him. Vernon just nodded, not in the mood for conversation. “Here,” Vernon felt Seungkwan’s hand cradle his head to pull him to the older’s shoulder. “Trust me, I know you didn’t sleep last night, this will be more comfortable.” Any protests Vernon had died in his throat as he realized that the older was right, his shoulder was more comfortable. With traffic, the group still had a little over an hour before being back at the dorms, and Vernon could use this opportunity to catch some sleep. Vernon let himself lean further on Seungkwan’s shoulder, and drifted off to the feeling of Seungkwan combing his fingers through the younger’s hair.

 

Vernon woke up to having his shoulders gently shaken by the young vocalist. Although short, the nap had given the tired rapper a second wind and he found himself thanking Seungkwan for being his pillow for the ride. The other laughed and Vernon couldn’t stop his own smile from seeing his friend happy.

_Maybe this won’t be so bad._

Vernon tentatively took Seungkwan’s hand in his own, a common gesture between the two that now felt different within the new context. Vernon childishly swung his arm back and forth while holding the other’s hand. Watching Seungkwan smile made Vernon feel like everything was ok.

Of course not everything was ok.

Seungcheol had the guts to hold the dorm entrance door open for the two less than 24 hours after he unknowingly ripped Vernon’s heart to shreds. Vernon tried to focus on his best friend’s presence, squeezing his hand for reassurance. Seungkwan returned the gesture, but Vernon couldn’t hold down the itching in his lungs.

Vernon thought he was safe once he passed by the leader, but he passed through the door only to walk right into a smiling Seokmin and Hoshi, along with a nervous looking Joshua.

Vernon eyed Joshua questioningly, but the other just gave the younger an apologetic look.

“So, Hansolie...” Seokmin’s voice brought Vernon’s attention back to the other two, “Jisoo-hyung thinks it’s too early, but Soonyoung and I set up a date for you two with a reservation at that beautiful restaurant next to the Han River that you love so much!” Vernon felt the color drain from his face.

“And,” Hoshi added, “I’m giving you two an exemption from dance practice, so you two will have the entire night to yourselves!”

“Guys,” Vernon let go of Seungkwan’s hand to raise both of his defensively, “Guys, this is too much, don’t you think?” Seungkwan and Vernon looked at each other in clear discomfort.

“That’s what I told them!” Joshua’s outburst seemed to upset the other two. Seokjin turned to the younger members with a frown.

“Vernon, don’t you understand what we’re doing? Do we need to remind you that you have flowers growing in your lungs?” Seokmin looked at Vernon in disbelief, allowing Hoshi to chime in.

“You should be grateful! Your members are doing everything they can to help you.”

“I know, I know.” Vernon was tired, so tired. “Listen I know we are trying to fix this but I don’t want to make Seungkwan uncomfortable, you guys can’t force love just because you think it’s right.”

Vernon felt a hand on his shoulder. Seungkwan tried to save the situation. “Guys, we really appreciate this. This date was a good idea, but from here on, maybe trust us to solve it ourselves. This is an issue between me and Vernon only.” Seungkwan smiled kindly at the others, stopping any anger the older members may have had.

“Hurry up and get dressed then! Soonyoung and I don’t want to make you guys late!” Seokmin and Hoshi seemed pleased with themselves but Joshua’s face told Vernon he was going to get a talk later.

Vernon grabbed Seungkwan by the shoulders, steering them off into their shared room. The entire dorm had rearranged themselves after the ordeal the night before and now Vernon and Seungkwan’s belongings were moved as close together as possible with the intent to maximize their time together.

It was hell.

Their normal comfortable friendship had been strained by new expectations, causing an uneasiness between the two. Before the previous night, the two could share showers with each other without thinking twice about it. Now though, Vernon couldn’t help but notice the way Seungkwan seemed to hide himself while changing.

Purposefully waiting for the other to finish dressing, Vernon cautiously approached the vocalist.

“Hey,” Vernon kept his voice soft, trying to express his genuine feelings to Seungkwan, “I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do, alright? If you don’t want to go on this date, we don’t have to.” Seungkwan’s face softened as he looked at the younger.

“No, no, it’s fine. I’m just, trying to get used to the idea, you know? I know everyone jokes about us dating all the time but its just, weird I guess, now that it’s actually happening.” Seungkwan almost looked nervous at that last part, causing Vernon to rush into reassuring the other.

“We aren’t dating yet, just remember that. You have no obligations to this. Just pretend this is just a normal day except for once we get good food that we don’t have to pay for. Think you can do that?” The two smiled at each other, Seungkwan obviously relieved.

“Yea, I can try. Sorry, I’ll get used to the idea soon, probably.”

“And even if you don’t, everything will be fine either way.”

 

The dinner wasn’t bad. It was great actually.

After further reassurance that Vernon didn’t expect anything from Seungkwan besides a comforting friendship, the other loosened up and together the two had a good meal with lively conversation.

They talked about everything from family, to newfound hobbies, to gossip about members, and then to how Woozi seemed to make each new song faster and faster driving the fans crazy with speedy fanchants.  
  
After their dinner date, the two found themselves walking along the Han River, wasting some time before they needed to head back to the dorm.

They sat together in an empty area near the bank of the river. Both laughing over a dumb joke Vernon whipped out. Caught in the moment, the young rapper almost didn’t notice how close the other had gotten to him. Noticing the other had gotten quiet, Vernon turned his head only to find Seungkwan’s face inches from his. Vernon observed an odd grimace on the other’s face.

“What?” Vernon asked softly, not wanting to be loud in front of the others face. Studying the other, Vernon didn’t like the hint of fear hidden in his friends eyes. They were both quiet for a moment before Seungkwan gathered the courage to speak.

“Do you think we should kiss?”

Vernon felt himself go rigid. His eyes flickered to Seungkwan’s mouth, watching as the other bit his lip awaiting an answer. Vernon couldn’t help but notice action seemed more out of discomfort rather than want. Vernon tried to get his heart to settle down, trying to guess what was running through the others mind.

“Do you want to kiss?” Vernon knew he had to ask. He knew the entire situation was messed up. He knew the other was unknowingly wrong when blaming himself for Vernon’s suffering. He knew he had made a mistake for letting the group pressure Seungkwan like this.

“Do you?” Seungkwan’s head tilted before asking the same question back obviously expecting Vernon to say yes. Vernon looked Seungkwan in the eye, letting his gaze soften at the sight of his best friend.

“No.”

Seungkwan reeled back.

“What do you mean ‘no’?” Seungkwan’s voice reaches an octave he only used for singing. Vernon couldn’t help but smile.

“I mean ‘no’. Kwanie, I don’t know if you know this but we’ve been friends for years, I can tell when you’re uncomfortable.” Seungkwan almost seemed sad.

“But,” The other looked like he was holding back tears. “But you’re in pain, I don’t like seeing you in pain. I just want to help you.”

“You are helping.” Vernon took Seungkwan’s hands gently, causing the other to blush. “The last few days have been awful, but honestly this friend date was the most fun I’ve had in months. This is the first time where the stupid flowers disease didn’t even cross my mind. I don’t need you to love me for you to make things better. You are amazing doing just what you’re doing already.” Vernon had to will himself not to laugh as Seungkwan wiped away a tear.

“Why are you being so nice? This is my fault…” the last statement caused more tears to flow. Vernon reached up to wipe them away for the other.

“This isn’t your fault, alright. I promise. Everything is going to be fine. Let’s head back, all that food made me tired.” Vernon hopped up, offering his hand to Seungkwan who took it gratefully.

The two traveled back to the dorm with minimal conversation. Each just enjoyed the comfort of the other, not needing any words to express their feelings.

Feeling weary from the ache in his chest, Vernon decided on a early night. Seungkwan offered to join him, and this time Vernon took it, knowing that the other was worried about his breathing again.

The two shared the bed comfortably, both tangled within each other giving different kinds of reassurance and comfort.

 

The next morning Vernon woke up to Joshua beating him with a pillow.

“Ack! Hyung! What do you want!?”

“I need an explanation! Now!”

Vernon sat up noticing the time on the clock. Vocal lessons started an hour ago but once again it was just Joshua and Vernon in the dorm.

“Do you watch me sleep again?” Vernon asked incredulously.

“Yes. Yes I did. Seungkwan nearly had a panic attack when you were struggling to breathe in your sleep again so I was put on Vernon watch. However, if you ever want to breathe again, I’d advise you answer me honestly and carefully.” Joshua’s words made Vernon truly fear for his own life.

“Ok, you have me, what’s your question?” Vernon tried to ask calmly, but the other seemed nearly insane with anger.

“My question? My QUESTION!? My question is: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?” Vernon had to admit, that was a very good question. “We had an entire plan to fix your situation with our loving leader and instead you are stringing Seungkwan along like a player! What are you doing!?”

Vernon buried his face in his hands out of guilt. Although the other had a point, Vernon did have his reasons.

“Listen, I’m already going to that doctors appointment. You said yourself, it would be easier if I was throwing up flowers because of Seungkwan. Maybe if I spend more time with him, it’ll make me forget about Seungcheol-hyung. I think it’s working, I didn’t cough up a single flower yesterday!” It wasn’t much, but it was a start, Vernon thought. Joshua seemed to think otherwise.

“Whatever, until you’re healed you are temporarily excused from practice. If you want Seungkwan here, I’ll ask management to dismiss him from practices too. Either way, just remember that you have a workout session with Seungcheol you already agreed to for later today.” Vernon felt his stomach drop. He had almost forgotten about his promise to workout with the leader. Vernon sighed.

“You’re right. Seungkwan’s comfort is great but I promise you I’ll still try to make it work with Hyung.”

“Good,” Joshua turned to walk out the door before glancing back at the other one more time. “You should try to speed things up, we’re running out of time.” With that, Joshua left the room, leaving Vernon to flop back onto his bed, begging for sleep to come back again.

 

Vernon got changed for the gym while talking to Seungkwan who was sprawled out on Vernon’s bed. The rapper had only gotten an extra hour of sleep before the vocalist barged in the room, explaining that Joshua had sent him. The two chilled for most of the day, Vernon bringing up some issues that they could take about in private comfortably.

They both agreed that neither should spend all of their time with the other. They made a pact to try and hang out with other members during different points of the day. Seungkwan promised that while Vernon went to the gym with the leader, he would go bother Chan for a while. Vernon tugged on a loose cut off shirt, earning a whistle from Seungkwan.

“Got someone you’re trying to impress?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Vernon appreciated the banter. Seungkwan had already complained about the younger being taller than him, and now Vernon’s new quest to gain muscle seemed like another personal attack.

“If it’s for me, I already think you have enough muscle.” Seungkwan eyed Vernon before frowning. “Unless you’re trying to get strong enough to pick me up. In that case I could just diet again.” Vernon wasn’t having any of that.

“If you think I can’t pick you up as is, you are poorly mistaken.” Vernon ran over to the bed, picking up the other fireman style before spinning him around and dropping him back on the bed. Seungkwan struggled to breath through his laughter and Vernon found himself laughing too. “Don’t underestimate me ever again!”. Vernon pointed at Seungkwan to highlight his statement giving the other finger guns before exiting the room.

Seungcheol already waiting for him with a smile on his face. Vernon felt the familiar pang in his chest.

“I see you two are making progress.”

The statement brought up the same feeling of rejection Vernon had been suppressing for the last couple of days. As soon as Seungcheol let out the words, Vernon found himself coughing up a few orange petals. The leader just smiled and patted the younger on the back.

“I know it’s hard to be away from him, but let’s work on those noodle arms to impress your man.”

Vernon honestly thought he was going to die.

Walking to the gym, Vernon felt an eerie sense of deja vu as Seungcheol chatted about anything and everything including the events of the last two practices Vernon himself had missed. The entire time Vernon tried to ignore the warm depth of the leader’s voice and instead concentrated on his own breathing.

Their gym routine went much the same as it had the first time. Vernon having a crisis while on top of the other as Seungcheol remained oblivious to his member’s panic.

Towards the end, Seungcheol suggested letting Vernon try his hand at lifting. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Vernon agreed, desperate for some sort of attention from the leader.

Vernon only lifted for a few minutes, the sight of Seungcheol over him, saying words of encouragement while taking care not to hurt him caused Vernon’s heart to flutter, eventually causing a lung full of petals to come out of his mouth, ending the workout immediately.

On the way back, Seungcheol had offered an arm to the other, worried about the younger’s stability. Vernon selfishly clung to the leader, embracing the close proximity and the safety he felt with the other. Where he led Seungkwan through their dinner, Vernon couldn’t help but enjoy being the one led back to the dorm.

Seungcheol removed himself from the other once back in the dorm, ending Vernon’s indulgence earlier than the younger had wanted. They each went their separate ways to shower, Vernon insisting on being in a different bathroom than the other. The leader accepted it, assuming the young rapper didn’t want Seungkwan to become jealous, but truthfully Vernon didn’t think his heart could take any more interaction with the leader for the day.

Vernon showered quickly, wanting nothing more that the blissful escape of sleep. Vernon changed into his sleep wear and was about to charge his phone when he noticed Seungkwan on his own bed, facing away from the younger. Assuming the other was asleep, Vernon quietly got under the covers, turning off his lamp and shutting his eyes.

Vernon heard a cough from the other side of the room. While drifting off, he couldn’t help but notice the sound of approaching footsteps. Vernon cracked open his eyes to see Seungkwan standing at the edge of his bed. Vernon was about to question him but froze upon seeing a yellow petal on the singer’s lip. Before Vernon could react, Seungkwan pulled out several yellow daisies from behind his back before throwing them angrily at the younger.

“I got you some flowers, you bastard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still feel pretty ehhh about how I wrote this chapter but at least I got everything to happen! Also I hadn't realized AO3 was messing up my formatting so I have to go back to previous chapters and re-italicize Vernon's thoughts so I'm sorry if that confused anyone! Let me know what you thought of this chapter! Leave a comment (I love comments) and chances are I'll respond even if its gibberish. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy future chapters!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhhhhhh I'm sorry, life has been a bitch and I had to write 5 essays 10 pages long each in like 4 weeks for finals and I got sick of writing but after this break hopefully I'll start updating more. I hope you enjoy!

“YOU LIED TO ME”

Vernon felt his world crumple before him, his perfect lies, the plan he and Joshua had set up, everything just fell apart.

“Seungkwan, I’m so sor-”

“This entire time!” Seungkwan was yelling through his tears. “This entire time you’ve been lying! I thought you loved me! But these petals! These petals…”

Vernon knew without a doubt he had been absolutely caught in a lie. Even worse, he’d been caught in a lie at his best friend’s expense. The other let out another harsh cough, yellow petals falling onto the floor.

Vernon moved forward to try and comfort the other only to be pushed away. Seungkwan shoved the other back.

“Don’t touch me!”

Vernon’s face fell at the scream. He understood what the other was going through. Seungkwan developing Hanahaki had only confirmed that Vernon was lying and didn’t love him back. But instead of Vernon’s case, where he had seen it coming, Seungkwan was blindsided by the disease because of Vernon’s selfish lies.

Vernon reached out again to try and rub a hand on the other’s back, but once again he was smacked away.

“I said don’t touch me! You’re a liar! All this time I believed you! I fell in love! You were so nice to me but you — you are a liar!”

Vernon felt his own tears well up in his eyes at the accusation. He was. He was a liar.

“Please, I didn’t mean for this-“

“How can you say that? Are you telling me you didn’t mean to take me on a date? You didn’t mean to hold my hand or share your bed with me? Was this all an accident? Was every single second of the last couple of days an accident!?”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Vernon fought back his own tears. He didn’t deserve to cry. “I’m so sorry, I messed up. I messed up bad.”

The two sat on the floor together, each with their head in their hands trying to sort through their emotions. The younger finally let his tears fall as the weight of the situation came crashing down. Vernon was no longer the only member affected by the issue.

Noticing the other’s tears, Seungkwan wiped away his own before moving closer to Vernon. The vocalist sat there for a moment as he watched his friend cry out the frustration of the last few days and waited until he cried himself dry.

When Vernon wiped away the last of his tears, the two friends were left in a heavy silence. After a few moments, Seungkwan let out an angry sigh before standing up to walk to the door.

“Wait,” Vernon stood up alarmed “where are you going?”.

Seungkwan turned around annoyed, “Where do you think? I’m going out there to tell the members.” Seungkwan turned back around towards the door.

“Wait!” Vernon yelled once again.

“What.” Seungkwan turned around again.

Vernon awkwardly fiddled with his sleeves searching his brain for a good explanation. “You can’t. Please.” He was more than ready to start begging. “Please, if you tell them then they’ll know I’ve been lying.” Vernon grabbed the other by the arm. This time Seungkwan allowed the touch and let the younger drag him back further away from the door.

“So I’m supposed to just ignore my own lungs to save your lying butt?” He crossed his arms, fully prepared to start yelling at Vernon again.

“No. No, absolutely not.” Vernon couldn’t think of anything worse. “Listen, I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Come with me, we can both get checked out, I’ll even make sure you get to go first, and we’ll go from there. How does that sound?” The sigh Seungkwan made told him that he had gotten through to the other. “You are my priority right now. Once we solve this, we can focus on my issue after.”

Seungkwan rubbed his temples. “Why did you lie in the first place?”

Vernon had the dignity to look sheepish. “I didn’t mean to-”

“Yes, yes I know you didn’t mean to, but you did. Why?”

The young rapper let out a deep breath. His friend deserved the truth.

“When everyone decided it was you, I didn’t have room to argue. It was so sudden, I was going to tell you, but everyone got excited. Even the member that gave me this stupid flower disease seemed all for it, and I realized I had no chance.” Seungkwan reached forward, wiping away the fresh tears Vernon didn't realize he had. “I just thought that the time before the inevitable surgery would be best spent with you, you’re my best friend and you are the only comforting thing I have right now.” Vernon willed himself not to cry and Seungkwan pulled the younger into his arms.

“I understand now.” Seungkwan carded his fingers through the rapper’s hair. “I’m sorry for yelling. And I promise this will stay between you and me, ok?” Vernon pulled away to look up at Seungkwan.

“I should probably tell Jisoo-hyung. He knew I was lying this entire time and told me not to mess it up. Will you be there when I tell him I messed it up, just incase he tries to kill me?” Seungkwan laughed.

“Sure, I want front row seats to that murder, you bastard.” Vernon laughed weakly causing the other to smile. “Now come on, we’ll tell him in the morning. Let’s get some sleep, all this crying is exhausting.”

“Yea, you’re telling me.” Vernon shuffled over to the bed before collapsing on top. “All I’ve done this week is cry and sleep then cry again.”

Seungkwan collapsed next to the other, turning off the bedside light. Vernon’s eyes closed as the two scrambled under the covers. Vernon felt a finger poke at his back and he turned to face the vocalist.

“Nonie?” Vernon hummed in acknowledgement. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Anything.”

“Which member gave you the Hanahaki? If it wasn’t me, then who?”

Vernon took a moment to pity himself before responding.

“Seungcheol-hyung.”

He heard Seungkwan’s intake of breath at the name.

“I’m so sorry.” The vocalist muttered.

Vernon didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry.   
  


Vernon woke up the next morning to hushed voices in the room arguing quitely.

Blearily opening his eyes, Vernon watched as Seungkwan argue animatedly with Joshua while trying to keep his voice down. He watched as Joshua scowled, crossing his arms, and began to argue back. Still not fully awake, Vernon sat up, trying to clear the sleep out of his brain.

Rubbing his eyes, Vernon looked up just in time to get tackled by Joshua.

“JOSH, WHAT THE HE-”

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY KWANIE!?”

Seungkwan rushed over in an attempt to pry Joshua off of Vernon. Joshua fought him off and grabbed Vernon by the shoulders, shaking him roughly while yelling in English.

“WHAT DID I TELL YOU? NOT TO MESS IT UP. WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU MESSED IT UP.”

“Josh… ca-calm… down!”

Seungkwan finally got a firm grip on the older and pulled him off of the poor rapper.

A loud knock sounded against the other side of the door as Vernon caught his breath. All three froze as a voice called from the other side.

“Hey, is everything alright in there?” Wonwoo’s voice echoed in the room with the other three as each one looked back and forth trying to find some words. Joshua was the first to regain his composure.

“Yea, everything is fine! We’ll let you know if we need anything, ok?”

“Alright, if you say so…” Wonwoo was cut short by Seungkwan.

“Actually, hyung, could you tell Jeonghan-hyung to get over here?” The younger’s request was met with a firm grunt of affirmation from Wonwoo and bewildered looks from Joshua and Vernon.

“Why do you need Jeonghan!?” Joshua whisper yelled.

“If Vernon gets his own support system, then so do I.” Seungkwan snapped back.

Vernon took another breath, the roots in his lungs seemed to make recovering from the tackle more difficult.

“I wouldn’t say Joshua was being a good support system right there when he just attacks me without eve-”

“Unless you actually want me to hit you, stay quiet.” Joshua interrupted the other. “You didn’t listen to me and now Seungkwan is paying the price. You can’t complain about your situation when you just did the exact same to Seungkwan.” Joshua motioned to a small pile of yellow petals that Vernon hadn’t noticed on the floor. The young rapper’s eyes went wide.

“Oh my god, Seungkwan, why didn’t you wake me up?” Vernon couldn’t help but wonder if this was the beginning of the trust issues he no doubt just instilled in the other the night before.

Before Seungkwan could respond, a knock on the door broke them away from their thoughts. Jeonghan’s voice called out from the other side.

“You guys wanted to see me?”

Before the other two could answer, Joshua marched over to the door and unlocked it quickly before opening it up and pulling Jeonghan in, then locking it again.

Jeonghan stumbled into the room, landing on his hands and knees in front of the pile of yellow petals. He stayed like that for a moment, his brain processing the odd information before his head whipped up to look at the plant above Vernon’s bed. The yellow daisy plant still had all of its flowers.

The other three in the room stayed silent as Jeonghan put together the pieces.

“Who…” he looked up between the three. “Who are these from?” He was strangely calm which only put the others on edge. Seungkwan meekly raised his hand.

When Jeonghan’s stare shifted from Seungkwan to the youngest in the room, Vernon felt his fight or flight instincts kick in.

“Hyung, listen I-“ Vernon took off to the other side of the room before Jeonghan could grab him. “Hyung, listen to me and-“

“I don’t want to hear it.” Jeonghan snapped, before wrapping his arms around Seungkwan. “I don’t know exactly what happened but I can already tell this is your fault.” 

Vernon looked to Joshua for help but was met with no mercy. 

“Well, he’s right.”

Vernon gave up and sat himself in the corner farthest from the other three. Jeonghan cooed over Seungkwan for a moment before turning his attention over to Joshua.

“You knew about this, didn’t you?” Joshua nodded his head. “Why wasn’t I told about any of this? At the very least we should tell Seungcheol.”

Vernon left to explanation to Joshua, instead focusing on Seungkwan and how the other seemed to melt into Jeonghan’s embrace. He felt bad, Seungkwan was always open for affection, Vernon just hoped the other would let him hold him like that again after all of this was over.

“Yea, I’m sorry.” Joshua flinched at the glare Jeonghan sent him. “And that’s exactly the problem.”

“Jisoo you are going to explain everything to me in the next 5 minutes or else I’m going to strangle every American in this group.”

Joshua sighed looking to Vernon for help. Vernon didn’t look at him, instead opting to look at his best friend with a sad face. Joshua then realized he was on his own.

“Vernon called for me a few days ago because he was coughing up flowers. When he told me who gave it to him we both agreed to work together to make Vernon’s crush fall in love with him. When the other members found out, we were going to come clean, but everyone assumed it was for Seungkwan. At this point we had given up on the crush so Vernon just planned on spending some extra comfort time before the inevitable surgery.” Jisoo paused to take a breath, allowing Jeonghan to process the information. “We couldn’t tell anyone because Seungcheol is the one who gave Vernon the Hanahaki, Cheol’s heart is soft but it would shatter if he realized he was the cause of all this.”

The mention of their leader sparked a coughing fit in the youngest. Vernon curled in on himself, willing himself not to panic now that he was used to the breathing difficulties. However, knowing he would be fine didn’t stop the pain.

“Hansolie?” 

Seungkwan was the first to make his way over to comfort the choking rapper. Vernon tried to signal he was fine while holding his chest to ease the pain. Jeonghan, though, was not used to the sick display and immediately panicked.

“Hansol? Hansol!? Are you alright!? Jisoo we need to get him to a doctor right now or-”

“He’s  _ fine _ . Just give him a minute to catch his breath-”

“He is obviously not ‘fine’, this is why I-”

Vernon couldn’t continue listening to Joshua and Jeonghan bicker as another wave of petals came up from his lungs. Using one hand to grip onto Seungkwan and the other to clutch at his own chest, Vernon focused on breathing through his nose with little success.

_ I’m fine. I’m fine. It’ll pass. I’m fine. _

Vernon was startled out of his silent mantra as a hand pried it’s way into his mouth.

Looking up, Vernon watched with pained tears as Seungkwan shushed him and continued his search for the stem blocking the rapper’s airway. 

“Gotcha.”

The hand Vernon was using to press on his own chest snapped up to clutch at his own throat as Seungkwan slowly pulled a full tulip from the younger’s throat. 

The sight of the dislodged flower combined with the rush of oxygen was so relieving, Vernon couldn’t find it in himself to care about the minor violation of his personal space.

Vernon did mind, however, the sudden lap full of Seungkwan when his best friend decided it was necessary to crush the other in a hug. Still recovering, Vernon could only silently accept the embrace as he turned his attention back to the two older members still arguing in the room.

“Hanie please, I told you I’m sorry! What can I do to make it better?”

“You can cure these two but wait, you’re not a doctor, are you? But you thought you could fix this anyways and now look where we are!” Vernon almost laughed.

Instead he choked on the heavy feeling in his chest coupled with the pressure of the tight hug Seungkwan still had him trapped in. Vernon tapped the other on the shoulder.

“Seungkwan… can’t… breathe… heavy.”

“You'll be fine, just let me have this.” Was the short reply. Vernon decided he couldn’t deny the other this hug. 

“Jisoo are you even listening to what I’m saying!?”

“Yes! I told you yes! Now stop yelling before someone hears us or Seungkwan has a panic attack, whichever comes first!”

The mention of the youngest diverted Jeonghan’s attention to the two hugging it out in the corner of the room. Joshua only continued once Jeonghan had taken a deep breath.

“We have a scheduled meeting with a specialized doctor in a few hours. I’m taking both Vernon and Seungkwan with me. Would you feel better if you came along with us?”

Jeonghan sighed then nodded. “In case they need to get checked separately, I’ll stick with Seungkwan and you can stick to Vernon. Deal?”

“Deal.”

Vernon tightened his grip on his best friend. Feeling a squeeze in return, Vernon buried his face into the other wishing he was anyone but himself in that moment.   
  


A few hours later, the four were at the hospital sitting in a waiting room. Seungkwan once again looked torn between avoiding Vernon and comforting his friend. Jeonghan however managed to keep Seungkwan busy with fussing over him, allowing the younger vocal to bask in the attention.

Vernon however was stuck with Joshua, who felt less compelled to fret over his assigned member. Honestly Vernon wasn’t too disappointed, he was just glad the older American wasn’t trying to choke him out again.

Vernon looked back over at Seungkwan who had his head on Jeonghan’s shoulder. Guilt ate away at him as he watched his friend suffer due to his own carelessness.

“It’s not your fault you know.”

Vernon turned to look at Joshua, who had softly spoken in English.

“Huh?”

“It’s not your fault. I know I yelled at you earlier, but it’s not your fault he fell in love. None of us can really control these things.” Joshua preached his philosophy to Vernon as the younger continued to watch Jeonghan soothe a coughing Seungkwan. “None of us could have predicted this would happen. I mean we were trying to get you two closer but neither one of us could has seen this coming. Seungkwan just falls in love too easily, poor kid needs to stop wearing his heart on his sleeve.”

“It’s not fair.” Was all Vernon could think.

“Love isn’t fair.”

The doctor walked out to call the four boys into her office. The members silently filed into the room behind the tall woman, none of them in the mood for chatter. The room contained an X-ray machine in the back and several seats in front of a desk. The four sat in the seats as the woman stood behind the desk.

“Good evening, as you may know, I am Dr. Jung, I will be handling your cases. Now from what I understand, things have gotten more complicated since your manager called?”

“Yes,” Joshua spoke up for the group. “I’m Jisoo Hong, I’m the one who called you earlier with the update, this is Hansol who is the original reason we called but unfortunately our Seungkwan has also developed Hanahaki. Also this is Jeonghan, he came along for support.” Joshua motioned with his hands introducing the members. Dr. Jung nodded before typing into her computer.

“I see, now standard procedure is to X-ray each of you to see how severe the disease is and if need be we can perform and MRI to determine what stage of Hanahaki you are in. Are you two comfortable with that?” Her voice was gentle enough that the two younger members found themselves nodding in agreement.

“Great, now I’m just going to check your vitals and get some sample petals to send to a lab technician — all standard procedure — before setting up the X-ray machine.”

Dr. Jung reached into her desk to pull out two clear bags labeling them HC and SB. She walked around the desk to hand the bags to each patient.

“If either of you feel an approaching fit, please use these bags to catch the petals.”

Vernon was the first to have his vitals taken. He endured most of it until it came to checking his lungs. When Dr. Jung pressed the stethoscope to his chest and asked him to breathe deep, Vernon found himself unable to take a full breath.

Each time he breathed in his breath hitched halfway, stopping him from taking full deep breaths. Dr. Jung frowned at the obvious complication before writing a note down her desk. 

Seungkwan suddenly started coughing. Jeonghan quickly handed over the bag he had been holding for the other. The doctor urged him to cough into the bag as small petals fell from Seungkwan’s lips. Once his lungs settled down he handed over the bag which Dr. Jung sealed and handed to an assistant nearby in the hallway.

Vernon could only look over in pity as Jeonghan ran a soothing hand over Seungkwan’s back. Vernon felt a hand touch is own back as Joshua attempted to give Vernon the same sort of comfort.

When Dr. Jung returned, she took Seungkwan’s vitals with little to no problems. After making a few notes Dr. Jung turned to address the boys.

“Ok, now that that’s over, I do want to send in a sample bag of Hansol’s flowers so if I may, I would like to trigger a controlled episode.”

Joshua looked as if he wanted to argue but Dr. Jung knelt in front of Vernon before he could get a word out. 

“Now Hansol, since we don’t want anything too extreme, try imagining your love smiling. Nothing too much, just an easy smile on their face.”

Vernon thought back to the first time he had to ask to borrow a shirt from Seungcheol. Before debuting, Vernon went through a growth spurt and Pledis had refuse to buy him a new wardrobe. He remembered explaining to the leader how he was outgrowing all his clothes, causing the older to smile softly and hand him a few outfits to keep. Vernon remembers the interaction as one of the first times the leader made his heart race.

Vernon felt his chest tighten at the memory. Joshua handed the rapper the clear bag as Vernon started choking on the flowers. Although suspicious at first, Vernon came to the conclusion that Dr. Jung really did know what she was doing, as the soft memory brought up just as soft petals.

“Thank you, you did well.” Dr. Jung sealed the bag and left the room to give it to an assistant. Vernon hung his head in his hands as warmth flowed over his cheeks. As much pain as the Hanahaki Disease had given him, Vernon couldn’t deny the warm fuzzy feeling he got every time he thought of Seungcheol and how kind and caring he had been over the years,

_ Am I really ready to give up this feeling? _

A sharp pain spiked through his chest.

_ What am I thinking? Of course I am. _

Dr. Jung returned shortly after and began setting up the X-ray machine. Both Seungkwan and Vernon stayed nervously silent as Joshua and Jeonghan chatted about nothing important. After a few minutes of setting up, Dr. Jung returned to the sitting members.

“Hansol, I would like you to go first, alright?” Dr. Jung asked gently.

Vernon nodded and stood up to be examined. The scan took no more than two minutes with the rapper doing his best to stand still as he heard the clicks of the X-ray pictures being taken. Dr. Jung immediately submitted the results to be further processed after ushering Vernon back to his seat.  Afterwards, Seungkwan was given his X-ray which was done as quickly as Vernon’s. This time however, Dr. Jung didn’t bother submitting the pictures.

The woman sat down at her desk while the group members sat nervously waiting for the doctor to finish reviewing the scans. Dr. Jung sighed.

“Well thankfully I have some good news to share. Seungkwan, I firmly believe we can stop the Hanahaki with some simple antibiotics and a bit of counseling. The antibiotics should kill the current residing flowers from catching it at such an early stage of progression. Counseling will help you come to terms with the cause of the disease, which in turn will stop the flowers from growing back.”

Joshua looked at her in doubt. “Are you sure the counseling is actually going to make him fall out of love? And even if it does, we still need them to have a close relationship. We can’t make them hate each other, we live and work together.” Vernon found himself wondering the same thing.

Dr. Jung simply smiled.

“You can’t force love, but you can get closure. Seungkwan, make sure to eat some yogurt and other foods with probiotics to help replace the good bacteria in your body.”

Seungkwan and Jeonghan looked relieved to say the least. Vernon however knew his diagnosis was not going to be as gentle.

“Hansol, I’m afraid to say we need to schedule an MRI. The flowers of the disease have already rooted themselves in your lungs showing an advanced stage of Hanahaki. We need to perform an MRI to get a three dimensional picture of how the roots are mapped inside your chest. However, I am optimistic that we can use a minimally invasive method to clear out the roots. If the MRI results allow, we could try a procedure through the throat into the lungs which would be a much easier surgery on your body than the traditional method.”

Vernon had mixed feelings about the news.

_ I might not get cut open… _

Joshua thanked the doctor for her help as Dr. Jung wrote down a time and room number for Seungkwan’s counseling.

_ But if the MRI shows it’s bad…  _

Dr. Jung promised to call management to schedule an MRI appointment and asked Joshua and Jeonghan what week would best work with their schedule, as even a minimally invasive surgery would take a few days of recovery.

_ I just have to try… _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;_; I'm back kinda, i got sick of writing because of finals and my new rent is costing me $500 extra a month since my roommate can't get out of her lease so if anyone has any suggestions for earning money that isn't a cam show let me know.  
> Anyways I hope you enjoyed this chapter! We are over half way through!!! It was hard making sure I stayed on track for the plot. I'll try to update sooner and I hope you'll like the future chapters! If you leave a comment I'll be very happy, I read all of them and reply to most of them!


	7. Chapter 7

Vernon took a swig of the liquid antibiotics the lab techs had made for him. He grimaced at the bitter taste that lingered from the fluid poisoning the flowers in his lungs. The doctor had warned him his medication would be much stronger than Seungkwan’s.

 

Two weeks had passed since their first doctor’s visit. The MRI was scheduled the following week and the surgery was inevitably scheduled the week after the MRI, meaning Vernon was less than a day away from the supposedly minimally invasive surgery. 

 

The MRI hadn’t been the scariest thing Vernon ever experienced. Sure it was loud, but concerts were even louder. The confined space wasn’t an issue after he ultimately fell asleep in the machine much to the amusement of the imaging techs. No, the worst part was the wait.

 

He had been told immediately that surgery was needed, even without a close review they could tell. However, the surgeons would still want a complete analysis of the results before they went into the operating room. They collected his information and sent him and Joshua home with the promise of a phone call in a couple days.

 

The wait during the following days was the worst. Vernon found himself fretting over nothing and everything at the same time. He was constantly walking around, rearranging things that didn’t need rearranged, and playing music only to cut off every song early to play something else.

 

This both irritated and worried his fellow members. Seungkwan was still his lifeline but as the other spent more time at appointments with Jeonghan, he found himself seeking out others for comfort. 

 

Joshua came around after the appointment and promised to back Vernon up in the following weeks. The older American had told the others to keep their questions to themselves, even stepping in for Vernon when the members’ curiosity got the best of them.

 

The members learned to silently accept Vernon’s hugs when the younger was feeling anxious. They rarely said anything when Vernon would sit close on the couch requesting Spongebob or anything else to occupy his mind. He even found himself seeking out Seungcheol for comfort, the leader always willing help distract the rapper. If anyone noticed the worse than usual coughing fits Vernon got around their leader, no one said anything about it.

 

A few days later, he was briefed on just how bad of a shape his lungs were in.

 

To be honest, Vernon tried to prepare for the worst. Even still, it was difficult to listen to exactly everything that was in his lungs trying to kill him. Roots grabbing a crushing hold on his lungs and flowers filling his airways causing him to drown in his own one sided crush.

 

_ Crush. _

 

It wasn’t a crush. If it was, he would have gotten off easy like Seungkwan. No, instead, Vernon was in love. He was in love with his leader. He was in a one sided love that was drowning him just when he thought he had gotten his head above water.

 

Vernon sat alone in a kitchen chair, occupied with his own thoughts. Midnight was mere minutes away which meant food was now forbidden. The others had gone to bed, an early schedule for all but a few of them awaited in the morning. A select few had been elected to stay accompany Vernon on his way to surgery, much to the protest of those who hadn’t been chosen. Their manager had explained that all 13 members showing up would cause at least major concern and at most an out of control scandal, so only three should accompany the sick boy.

 

In the morning, Vernon would leave for the hospital accompanied by their manager, Joshua, Woozi, and the group’s leader, Seungcheol. Vernon would have prefered anyone else but Seungcheol, but after thinking it over, he had to admit to finding comfort in the older man’s support. He just needed to survive the next 24 hours and he would be in the clear. The doctors would operate at around noon and within several hours the procedure would be over. Now that it was midnight, he was only responsible for himself for the next 12 hours, he would be in the hands of the surgeons after that.

 

Soft footsteps padded into the kitchen. Vernon slumped in his chair, not bothering to turn around even when a warm hand touched his shoulder.

 

“It’s time for bed,” came Seungcheol’s low voice. The sound rumbled through Vernon’s chest for a moment before the younger turned around. Vernon took a moment to stare into the other’s eyes, when he saw nothing but warmth, he decided he should humor his heart for the night.

 

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” Vernon’s words came out quieter than intended, but Seungcheol’s soft smile confirmed that he had heard the younger anyways.

 

The leader gently ushered Vernon to his feet, patiently waiting for the other to stretch out his tired limbs. Vernon stifled a cough in his throat before following the other to one of the dorm rooms. A few of the members fell asleep in the living space after watching a moving and Mingyu and Minghao were in their own newly made room, leaving Vernon and Seungcheol a room to themselves. 

 

The eldest pulled a few blankets from the other’s bed before turning to Vernon.

 

“Do you want to sleep on the floor together or share the bunk?”

 

“The bunkbed.”

 

“Top or bottom?”

 

“Top.”

 

“Ladder or wall?”

 

“Wall.”

 

“Alright, you first.”

 

Vernon grabbed a pillow and blanket before climbing up the small ladder. The climb up was difficult in his tired state but he needed the comfort of the enclosed rails. Vernon settled into the mattress as a fluttering feeling settled into his chest. The usual tightness in his lunges twisted within him as Seungcheol made his way up the ladder. The leader settled in, enclosing Vernon in his arms protectively. The younger allowed himself to hug closer, feeling safe between Seungcheol and the wall. An unsettling heat flared around Vernon’s heart but the younger ignored it as the warmth of the blankets and the body next to him lulled him into sleep.

 

Seungcheol tucked the other’s head into his chest before slowly falling asleep. Vernon’s chest fluttered once again as he listened to the sound of the leader’s slowing breaths and steady heartbeat while gently drifting off.

  
  
  


Vernon awoke to a burning pain in his chest.

 

The usually uncomfortable heat flared to a searing hot pain starting in the center of his chest and moving outward to spread through his lungs and throat.

 

_ Water. . . _

 

Vernon painfully sat upright, careful not to disturb the sleeping leader.

 

_ Water. . . water will fix it. . . _

 

Vernon carefully crawled over the sleeping body, pain worsening with each movement. Slowly he made his way to the ladder, only stopping to will away the pain.

 

_ Just need to get down this ladder. . . _

 

A wave of pain surged through his chest catching him off guard. With a cry of pain, Vernon’s head spun, and suddenly the edge of the bed felt a lot closer.

 

“Hyung…”

 

Vernon failed to grab Seungcheol for stability and fell back off the ladder. 

 

Vernon didn’t feel the landing, his brain too overwhelmed by the searing in his chest. Through the pain he heard a panicked “Hansol!?”. 

 

Heavy footsteps ran through the hall as Vernon could vaguely hear Seungcheol still screaming. Strong arms encased Vernon gently shaking him while saying words the younger couldn’t quite understand. The door slammed open and Vernon’s brain was brought back to reality for a split second. His eyes managed to focus on Seungcheol’s face, the older looked like he was screaming with tears in his eyes. Vernon one of his own hands from his chest to reach up and brush away a tear.

 

Seungcheol grabbed onto the hand, shaking it as Vernon felt more arms around him. Vernon looked at his hand in his leader’s and couldn’t hold back a smile as his consciousness faded away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyyyyy not dead, me at least. This will be finished no matter how many years it takes. If you ever want to chat or yell at me my tumblr is: [ Liv4Death ](https://liv4death.tumblr.com/)


	8. Chapter 8

A bright light woke Vernon up.

Even with his eyes closed, the light still managed to stir his consciousness awake. Vernon attempted to shield his eyes away from whatever source was causing the brightness, but he found that no matter what he tried, the light never lessened. Vernon tucked his head under the blankets but it helped to no avail.

Vernon sat under the covers of what was mostly likely all white sheets and a single pillow and felt a shiver run down his back. Bundling himself up tighter, Vernon tried to fight against the cold wave flowing under his skin.

_Am I dying?_

Vernon’s heart lurched at the thought and his previous memories came flooding back to him. The pre-surgery fasting, sharing the bunk bed, and then falling and hitting the floor. Another shiver ran through him.

_Am I already dead?_

In the back of his head, Vernon recalled hearing the other member’s panic and Seungcheol’s voice yelling for him to stay with them.

_Stay…_

The thought of Seungcheol sent a wave of warmth through Vernon, thawing his previously frozen body. At least he managed to spend his last moments with the man he fell in love with.

At least he spent his last few moments on earth with the man who in the end, was be the death of him.

Vernon counted to a hundred before gathering the courage to peak his head up from above the blankets.

Rubbing at his eyes, Vernon stretched out his stiff limbs and took in his surroundings. Or surrounding, more specifically.

Vernon didn’t know what he expected, but being surrounded by nothing but bright white was not it.

Struggling to stand up, Vernon cautiously took a few steps while holding his arms out. The absolute nothingness of the area completely ruined his depth perception. Vernon rubbed more at his eyes to try and adjust to brightness of the empty space.

Vernon’s limbs felt like jelly as he attempted to wander around, mindful not to stray too far from his blanket and designated starting place.

On his third lap circling the blanket, the room suddenly changed.

The original brightness dimmed, bringing definition into his surroundings. Vernon kept pacing as color came into the now familiar looking room, only stopping in his tracks when a familiar closet came into view. Vernon walked up to wardrobe feeling the all too familiar knicks in the wood. Turning around to confirm his suspicions, Vernon found himself in one of Seventeen’s old dorm rooms. A room in their predebut dorm, to be exact.

A thought struck Vernon, and he quickly found the door handle to the wardrobe, pulling it open in haste. Looking into the mirror on the inside, Vernon was faced with his own predebut reflection.

Gently touching his own face and hair, Vernon guessed his appearance to be predebut, early 2015 in the least.

Vernon’s chest suddenly lurched causing him to recoil from the wardrobe. Gripping at his own chest, Vernon felt searing pain spread through his lungs and around his heart. Vernon stumbled backwards, feeling the back of his knees hit what felt like the edge of a wooden frame. Collapsing on the floor, Vernon reaches up to grab a blanket from the bed he was leaning against and wrapped himself into a bundle. He was so focused on breathing in and out he almost didn’t notice the approaching footsteps.

Struggling to breathe, Vernon backed himself into the farthest corner of the room, staring at the door with apprehension.

The door burst open to show a predebut Seungcheol carrying a large red hoodie. Vernon’s heart skipped a beat as his mind registered a vague sense of deja vu.

“Hey Hansol! Jihoon told me all your clothes were in the wash so I got one of my hoodies you can wear! It might be a little big for you, but I tried to find my smallest one. . .”

Vernon’s heart swelled, taking up more space in his already tight chest. This… he remembers this… it was one of the first times the leader had made him feel light and fuzzy. Vernon finally noticed the chill in his body just as Seungcheol approached the younger.

“Here, you have to be freezing. You can’t just wear a sleeveless shirt in winter, you’ll catch a cold! Hopefully our next dorm will have heating-“

Seungcheol rambled on as he manhandled Vernon into the sweatshirt. Vernon closed his eyes as the sweatshirt was pulled over his head roughly, swallowing him in fabric. Pulling his head through the top, Vernon kept his eyes closed for a second, savoring warmth and smell of Seungcheol’s corner store cologne.

Silence filled the room and Vernon opened his eyes once again in a white void, Seungcheol nowhere to be seen.

Vernon hugged himself in the large red hoodie. If there was a corner in the void, he would have backed into it. Vernon sighed to himself, already missing the comfort of the leader. Thinking back, Vernon regrets not being honest with the older. Seungcheol has done nothing but take care of Vernon since debut, and here he was suffering alone.

Vernon lifted his head to approaching footsteps, and felt his heart skip a beat at the sight of a blonde Seungcheol. After a brief moment of eye contact, Seungcheol ran up to the young rapper, picking him up and spinning Vernon around before plopping  down on their debut dorm’s couch. Vernon coughed from being crushed by the leader.

“Was that really needed?”

Seungcheol reached behind himself to dig a phone out of his back pocket, still not bothering to move off of the smaller.

“Hansol! We’re trending!” The leader beamed while showing Vernon the trending hashtags on twitter.

Vernon took the phone from the other, watching their name and their debut rise on the list of trending topics on various sites. Vernon smiled to himself, both in memory of this situation and knowing that in the future, they would trend even higher.

“I told you hyung, Soonyoung-hung and Jihoon-hyung weren't messing around with the songs and dances.”

“I know, I know, I just can’t believe… I’ve been training so long, _we’ve_ been training so long and I never thought…” Vernon held the leader tightly. “When they told me I was going to be the leader and rapper, I thought we were doomed honestly. I trained to be a singer! And between you, Kwanie, and Chan, you boys are so young and so talented, I-”

“I get it, you’re old, but you are the best leader we could have asked for.”

Training had brought many hardships and insecurities onto them. Seungcheol was hit the hardest, with training the longest and becoming the leader of 12 other boys. Vernon never fully understood why the eldest chose him to confide in, although he had a suspicion that Seungcheol found him to be the most confident member. Seungcheol never shared his insecurities with members that he thought might not be able to bear it for the both of them.

Seungcheol hid his teary eyes and crushed Vernon in a tighter embrace. “I can’t let you see me weak, or I’ll have to kill you.” Vernon’s laugh came out as a wheeze. Seungcheol made a move to get off of Vernon but they both ended up tumbling to the ground.

Instead of landing on top of his hyung, Vernon’s body smacked onto the cold white surface of the previous void. Vernon sat, gathering his thoughts. The feeling of a crushing weight still on his chest but no body blame for the feeling.

Finding himself in a simple white shirt again, Vernon held his arms close to his body, craving warmth. The uncomfortable pain in his chest continued to grow slowly, now more prominent without the distraction of his crush.

Vernon sat for a minute once again thinking over his times with Seventeen’s leader.

With 11 other boys in the dorms, it was nearly impossible to remember the last time he had spent alone time with Seungcheol. There was always something happening, always someone in the room, always work to be done and what little time they had, they slept. And yet, Vernon still felt guilty. Out of thousands of hours of being with the group, he had fallen for the one with the softest heart, the one who couldn’t love Vernon the same way Vernon loved him. Vernon knew Seungcheol would never allow himself as the leader to even think of dating within the band. He felt easy, knowing he fell for someone who he had only few hours of private memories with. Despite this guilt, Vernon felt himself melting not only at the thought Seungcheol’s caring nature but also at the love and support he had given Vernon throughout the years. Despite others being present, when Seungcheol gave his attention to Vernon, he felt like the only person in the world.

He stood up, scanning the void for his blanket with a new determination to get out of whatever bright limbo he was stuck in. If he could just see Seungcheol one more time, maybe they could work it out.

A sharp splitting pain ran through Vernon’s chest, knocking him back on the ground. Vernon gritted his teeth and stood back up, breathing in and out until the feeling subsided.

_This can’t be the end._

A wave of regret washed over Vernon, if he died, Seungcheol would never forgive himself. Vernon never even got to tell the truth himself, Seungcheol would have to hear it from Seungkwan, or Joshua, or Jeonghan. Vernon couldn’t do that to them.

The young rapper nearly jumped out of his skin when a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind. Turning around, Vernon found himself the arms of an older, but still not current, Seungcheol. Seungcheol pulled the younger into a tight hug allowing the younger to assess his surroundings over the other shoulder. The off stage setting brought memories flooding back to Vernon.

“You’ll do great Hansol, you’re a much better rapper than me.”

Vernon tore his eyes away from the set of SMTM4 to look the older in the eyes. Instantly his heart rate shot up and he felt his arms begin to tremble. Seungcheol must have mistook the fidgeting as nerves and continued his encouraging speech.

“You’re a real rapper, regardless of your idol status."

Vernon saw a flash of insecurity cross the other’s face and couldn’t stop himself from holding Seungcheol’s face in his hands.

“Why are you such a dad?”

The words that came from Vernon’s mouth sent Seungcheol into a laughing fit. Seungcheol ruffled the youngers’ longish hair while looking at him fondly.

“There’s the confident rapper I was looking for!”

Vernon laughed at the cheesy line, still thankful for the support. On instinct Vernon turned to walk on stage before remembering that he was in a memory. He stopped in his tracks, slowly watching the scene in front of him fade away.

Turning around quickly, Vernon once again was met with the void and no sign of Seungcheol anywhere.

Panic quickly arose in Vernon as he desperately searched for the other. The pain in his chest had finally reached the breaking point of Vernon’s tolerance as it tore through his body from the chest outward.

Curling in on himself, Vernon was immobilized the ever increasing heat traveling through his lungs and heart.

_This really is it, isn’t it?_

Vernon tried to think of his life. He made an honest attempt to assess the value of what he had done on earth and how far he had come.

Instead, his mind was blank from the agony. The only thought in his mind, the only feeling left in his heart, was the desperation to see Seungcheol one last time.

_If I could just see him one last time… then I could die in peace._

A tall figure stood over Vernon. Vernon tried to focus his eyes through the pain to watch the dark haired figure kneel down next to him. A gentle hand grabbed his and Vernon’s eyes were finally able to focus on Seungcheol’s face.

Not predebut Seungcheol, not Adore U Seungcheol, _his_ Seungcheol. The one who comforted him the night before his treatment. The one who had done nothing but his best to make sure Vernon got the space he needed. The one who let Vernon cling to him when he needed it.

Vernon smiled up at his Seungcheol, and in turn received one back.

Vernon felt something dislodge in his chest, immediately bringing an end to the pain.

His relief was short lived and the Seungcheol above him slowly lost his smile. Vernon felt a strong cold rush through his body. His heart dropped as he noticed that Seungcheol was slowly fading into white.

_No… Stay…_

Vernon’s lips felt numb and he was unable to speak. His body frozen like ice, he had no choice but to watch Seungcheol fade into the background while the white void slowly turned gray.

Seungcheol slowly faded into the now black void and Vernon was left cold and alone.

Cold and alone, Vernon felt himself slowly slip into slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for I have sinned. This took forever and I still hate it XD I hope Vernon's coma dreams make up for the couple months break I took. I'm going to finish this before I even attempt to start another fic XD also please comment about what you think! because it has taken so long I really want to know what you guys reading this feel about this fic overall, I'll even accept incoherent screaming.
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope I'm not letting anyone down! I'll hopefully be more organized for these last two chapters!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in a while so I would love criticism of any kind! (Yell at me in the comments) Although I have the entire story outlined, I haven't written the rest of the chapters so let me know what you think so I can improve! I have a couple other stories I want to post so it may be a while before this starts being regularly updated. Let me know if you like this though and I'll try to work fast!


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